So hurt

I feel so hurt, but maybe I had this coming all along. What I thought I wanted, and what I actually want dont' seem to be in balance. I feel like I've completely messed this up for myself. I don't know what to do, or if there is anything I could even do. I want to be mad, but then when I talk to you I can't stay mad. Then afterwards I remember why I was mad, and how you don't understand. I expected to much. I got what I wanted, and then I blew it. I just don't know what to do :(