More than friends

Sometimes pieces of life fit together perfectly, and other times the pieces no longer fit. I didn't ever realize that I actually liked you. I talked to ALOT. We have become such good friends in the last few years. Then boom, one day I realized I liked you. It sure seemed like you liked me too. Always talking about doing stuff together, and sharing parts of our lives. I couldn't have been happier. But things changed so quickly. What changed? I only wish I knew what was going on. Maybe you realized I liked you, and you don't feel the same. Our conversations are just different. Not as light, not us. I just hope to understand.

There are no words

There are some things in life that can't be put into words, and this is one of those times. How is a person supposed to deal with the death of a friend? Literally one of the nicest individuals I've ever met. He had a heart of gold. A smile that lit up any room every time he entered. I can see the goofy grin he gave everybody while giving two thumbs up. I can't even look at pictures. I break down and cry every time. I am sad for all the memories I never had with him. I'm sad for all the times that we did have, and will never get to have again. I know God has a purpose, but I am not understanding. Why do the best ones have to go. He had the biggest impact on so many lives. In the short time he was on earth he touched the hearts of so many individuals. I can't even imagine the lives he would have touched in his future. That's why I'm at a loss for words. Why him? Why did he have to go so early. I know he is no longer suffering and he is in the best hands possible. I pray that his family and friends feel peace and comfort from the Lord. I pray that Michael is looking down on all of us, and helps guide us all in our lives. I know he will live on in all of us. One day we will meet again. I can't wait for that day. You will be missed more then words can say. I love you buddy. Keep an eye on all of us, and know that you will never be forgotten. Everyone is looking at what you accomplished in your short time, and we all aspire to be like you. To make a difference. I miss you already <3

"Goodbye is not forever. Goodbye is not the end. It simply means I'll miss you until we meet again"

Never fades away

Tim McGraw said it right in his song "Something Like That"
"But the memory of the first love never fades away"

I guess I wouldn't say I loved you, but there is something about you. It's almost been three years, and I can't forget you. I still could tell you some of the conversations we had. I remember the little details about you. The way your eyes squint when you take a picture. The way you flop your hair and move your head to get the hair out of your eyes. I can still picture the way you walk. I can see you smiling at me. Waiting for me, and walking with me. I'll never forget the way my heart would leap when I saw your name pop up on my phone. I remember staying up with you until 4 in the morning, just to see if we could stay awake. I remember falling asleep on your shoulder. I can still feel you giving me the tightest hug and spinning me around.

Why can't you realize that I want you? I always have, and I feel like I always will. Can't you just be mine?

Where do I go from here?

Is it possible that I only have fifteen days of high school left?  Only fifteen more days with my classmates I've known my whole life. With every day that passes my class and I get so excited because its one day closer to graduation. Sure I'm excited, but I have been having this sinking feeling in my gut. I don't want to start all over. I'm going to walk into a class of over two hundred, and not know a single individual. I just want my class of sixteen to last forever. I feel like most of them are my family, and I feel very special to have so many close friends. I still know that something more is supposed to come out of all of this. There are friendships that I will keep forever, and others that I feel could have been closer relationships. The not knowing of  what could have happened is what hurts me the most. Where do I go from here? How do I know everything is happening the way it should?

Don't dwell on the past. You must live every day to its full potential. There is no point in worrying about what you can't change. I need to remember that things always happen the way they are supposed to, even if I don't understand it all at the time.

Pieces of you

I feel like my heart is slowly breaking. I don't feel like its shattering, I just feel like certain pieces don't belong anymore. I think it's change. I don't like change. It means nothing in this world is permanent, and that is so scary. Sure things change for the better, but they can also change for the worst. Sometimes I just wonder if people truly change, or do we just start looking at them in a new light. When we see them in a new light, do they see us in a new light as well? I just want to know what he thinks of me. I feel like I've always kept him in my heart and mind ever since we stopped talking years ago. When he sees me on a daily basis, does he honestly not care that our friendship is no longer there? It hurts me to think he doesn't care. He has to care deep down, I know it. I feel like lately I've been giving little hints and signs that I want to be friends. I always would avoid him, and then senior year came and I didn't see the point of hiding from him anymore. I feel like we make a tiny step to regaining our friendship, and then just like that I am insecure about it all over agin. I just don't understand why I want him to accept me so bad. He is only one person.

I miss you

 I miss your smile.  I miss your laugh. I miss your ability to change my mood from sad to happy. I miss holding your hand. I miss cuddling up to you. I miss having you right beside me. I miss kissing you. I miss you tickling me until I couldn't breathe. I miss when you would kiss me on the cheek. I miss you laughing at me. I miss everything.

 I miss you.

Falling Apart

I can just feel things falling apart. You are pulling away from me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to fix things. Trying to bring you back to me, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say. Is this just a phase? I'm feeling crushed, but maybe I should have seen this coming all along. I just want to understand.

I always like what's not good for me.

When we first kissed

I can't help the smile that forms on my face, and you are the reason why :)

Happy Place

You are where I can escape all the madness. I can go to you when i'm sad, happy, or anything in between. All I can say is thank you! :)

It's Real

I'm so happy. Things are going so good, and I just am overjoyed! I don't talk to people about it much, and I'm actually okay with that. They probably don't want to know anyways. Plus I don't want people judging me. I can do what I want, and I will. Because if it makes me happy, then it's worth it.

Someone like you

Imperfections are Beauty

So hurt

I feel so hurt, but maybe I had this coming all along. What I thought I wanted, and what I actually want dont' seem to be in balance. I feel like I've completely messed this up for myself. I don't know what to do, or if there is anything I could even do. I want to be mad, but then when I talk to you I can't stay mad. Then afterwards I remember why I was mad, and how you don't understand. I expected to much. I got what I wanted, and then I blew it. I just don't know what to do :(

Spinning Circles

That is what my head has been doing for the last day or two. I don't know how I'm supposed to act. I don't know how I even feel. Shocked. Surprised. Excited. Nervous. I'm wasting so much energy dwelling and worrying about how it will go. I hope everything goes good.

My fingers are crossed.

YOU have a purpose!

A quote that I once heard came back to me tonight, and I want to share it! :)

"God would never make you do, or go through something that he hasn't already been through himself"

When you think that you can't go on anymore, just remember you were put here for a purpose. You have a reason to be here. Because YOU will make a difference, wether you know it or not! Best of all, you will make it through it!



Beautiful Life

Happy Valentine's Day!

So as my lovely followers, you all know that at this point I don't have a significant other! Of course tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and in a earlier post I made a comment on how I don't particularly enjoy the day all that much! Well then I got to thinking, I don't have to have someone to have a special day tomorrow. I can tell the people that are most important to me, how much they mean to me! So here goes nothing!

Brittany Ann
Where to even begin with you? You mean the absolute world to me. We don't talk as much anymore, but when we do I know that I can ALWAYS count on you. You know absolutely everything about me. You know when I'm happy, you know when I need comfort, you just know me! You and I fight like we are sisters and love like sisters. I can say something without even fully explaining it, and you know exactly what I mean. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you do for me. Seriously. I LOVE YOU!

McKayla Marie
Oh Mckayla! You are the best. No lie. I just love you! You can finish my sentences for me! You and I are so much alike it's actually sort of scary sometimes! :) haha You are always there when I need you. If I am having an off day, you just smile at me and tell it'll be okay! You always seem to have the right thing to say to make me feel better. You probably don't even know, but when you simply listen to me, I already feel better. Thanks for always being YOU! Don't you ever change! <3

Marah Jean
Marah, Marah, Marah! Where do I begin? You are there when I seem so lost. When I feel like something is never going to work out, you are there to tell me it will. It seems like once I've lost my hope, you have the right thing to say to let me regain my hope! You have the best advice, and that's why I love you! You can cheer me up in a heart beat! You always know how to make me laugh! Seeing some of the tough things you have gone through just makes me admire you so much for staying strong, and that is one thing I will always take away from you. STRENGTH! Thanks for being such an amazing best friend and role model! I love you!

Abby Lynne
ABBYYYYYYY! Oh girl you are so gorgeous! Not to mention an amazing best friend :) You can just read me. Seriously. I look at you and you know what I'm thinking, and I can do the same to you. We can look at each other and not say a word, and we will begin to laugh because we know exactly what the other person is thinking. You are always there for me. You barely have to say anything, and I already am feeling better. I know I can always come to with any problem I have! Or any exciting news I have, you always want the best for me and I love that. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me. Words honestly can't say enough! I love you my porcelain princess! ;)

Lindsey Marie
Goodness lady you are making me think! :) You and I have become so close this year! I can't even remember what it was like not to be this close to you! You and I can talk about the most random thing, and somehow it is still interesting! Your laugh is probably the most contagious thing I have ever heard. If you laugh, I laugh, and then you laugh again and the cycle never ends! I love you for everything you do for me! Thanks for being so amazing! :)

Molly Joy
You are one beautiful girly! Sometimes I don't think you realize how amazing you are! :) You have a way of making a horrible day, a better day in a heart beat. You can just leave me a sticky note in my locker, and just like that my day is that much better. You have the cutest laugh I have ever heard. I love when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe! You seriously are one of the strongest people I know, and don't ever forget it! Thank you so much for meaning so much to me! I love you bunches!

My wonderful family <3
Where would I be without any of you? All I know is, I sure wouldn't be who I am today! My sense of humor comes from my dad, my sweetness and caringness comes from my mom, my ability to be myself I have learned from my brother, and allowing myself to smile and laugh during the toughest times comes from my sister. I love you more than words can express. All four of you. Thank you for being the best family ever! <3

Grandparents
I have the three best grandparents I could ask for! My grandma and grandpa Bren always know how to put a smile on my face. I love the time I get to spend with you two, and I love seeing you at all my sporting events! Thanks for being so great! My other grandma, Aggie, you mean the world to me. I am so close to you. You and I are so much alike! Everyone says I act alot like you, and thats wonderful because you are such an outstanding person! I love playing cards with you, eating supper with you, and even cleaning your house for you! I just love the time I spend with you! Thanks so much for helping on my journey through life! <3 I love you three!

I can't forget to mention my grandparents in heaven. I know you guys aren't hear physically, but I know you are watching out for me and my loved ones! I love you guys, and miss you more then words can say! <3

Your heart

Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticized anyway

__________________________________

UGH!

Valentines Day is coming, and let's just say I'm not looking forward too it. It's not that I'm not happy for people in love, sometimes it's just hard to watch. One day maybe I'll enjoy that day too!

It's a little thing called RESPECT

Ever heard of it? Well if you have, you should probably start showing some!

That was just beyond disrespectful, and trust me I was not the only one who thought that!

I know you are better thent that, so PLEASE for everyone's sake show some

R E S P E C T